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I've had a bad couple of weeks. Health has been poor and my head is pounding nonstop. No matter what I try it's temporary. But yesterday, it finally came to a halt -- hooray!!

No, I don't know what I did different, but I felt better and had no head pain. Today, my medical massage therapist came over and beat the crap out of me. No joking -- he said out of all his clients only one guy can take a pounding on his muscles as deep.

My attitude is if I need it, I need it. I'm not having these sessions so he can give some light-weight relaxing Swedish massage, so if it hurts I just try to relax and bear it. Seems to have worked 'cause I feel fabulous. It may only last a few hours, but hey, I'll enjoy it while I can.

Of course, the other high is from finishing my new cover for Big Game today.

I love it. And here it is for you to gander at in all its glory:




I think I may like this cover the best of all three. You may have your favorite, but this one is mine. My cover-making skills are growing by leaps and bounds, but no, I still don't plan on hiring myself out for covers. There are just not enough hours in the day.

My girlfriend, Joan, suggested I print the cover out and post it next to my computer for inspiration. I think she may be onto something. I did it, and while yes, my desk is incredibly messy right now, I do have its perfection to gaze at and keep me on track:


"Why aren't you writing?!?" You may ask.

I'm not sure. I got some words down earlier this week, but I think the medical sh*@ is weighing me down. I'm not going to go into a pity party here, that's not my style -- but I do know I have something messing up my writing mojo.

Another girlfriend, Marissa, said she was worried I was no longer enjoying the writing process. I think she may have nailed it. I've put so much pressure on myself to succeed, to reach readers, to write, edit, make covers, help other authors to publish, run the few day to day operations of the small publishing company and it's now 40 titles, that I've lost sight of the fun part of this job.

I've taken a bit of a hiatus from EE for two, going on three, months. It wasn't intentional. I just didn't want to write erotica. The stories didn't flow. I've kept up with DD and Ceara's Tales… and the Wicked writing blog, but after a while it all gets to be too much.

Why does it seem so easy when we plan it out -- "just sit your ass down and write" -- and yet it's so hard to do? My latest test results have revealed a few things, including my progesterone level is low. I read about all the things that happen if it is, which seems to fit the bill on my issues, so maybe that's it.

I strive so hard for balance and yet never seem to achieve it. I have lots of stories inside me aching to be told -- I won't be giving up. If you don't see me around online much please know I haven't abandoned you and quit writing. I'm still here. Just trying to figure out my life and get things back on track.

A part of me realizes if I don't start dedicating some serious time into getting better each day, that the end result will take much longer to reach. Nothing like reality to smack a fantasy writer in the face and send them for a loop.

Wishing you a powerful weekend -- make it count! Spend time with your kids, call your parents, or cook a comfort meal. Think I'll stare at my cover a little longer and then try to write.

Toodles!
C.J.